I guess sharing grief is part of the process, on the internet or with close friends. Many of my friends have gone through this, or are in the thick of it - it helps to hear them now.
Today I had tea with my dear friend Annie who lives nearby and is mother to Pino's real donkey parents. She gave me tea and we shared stories of mothers. She fed me kale salad. I sat in her wonderful farm house surrounded by blossoming trees and song birds too. We talked about the messages our mothers leave us after they go, and to be aware of them. Of course it is no surprise to you that I interpret wind and such as messages. But when I got home I had a voice message on my cell from my brother. And then I noticed some old messages to delete. But there was one from my mother from December. She was calling after she heard we had a big wind storm and she said, "Just checking in, to see how you are. I'll talk to you soon." I rarely use my cell here at the farm, it's for travel, and my brother never calls it so not sure why he even did today. I tried pretending today I was just having a chat with her, like I did most days by phone. I told her about the weather and other things I would have told her in any other ordinary day we'd talk. Someday, it will be less shocking and raw. But right now, I'm hanging on to messages - wherever they pop up.