My 87 year old mother had a heart attack last night in California.

I feel like my legs have been ripped off. I'm rudderless. I don't feel normal at all. It's day to day right now. She was playing golf a couple weeks ago and the prognosis now is we just want to see her come home even if it is for hospice. She has a series of things that built up over the last three weeks - anemia, three blood transfusions that didn't take, blood clots were found, pernicious anemia and to top it off she had a recurrence of polymyalgie. She can't get oxygen to the lungs so she is on full time oxygen.

In her true North Dakotan way, when the nurse let me talk to her, she told me not to worry, that she wasn't going anywhere. My mother and my family are not "I love you" people to each other - but I was able to cry and tell her I loved her as did Martyn, and she did too. When I said I was hopping a plane she told me to "sit tight", because it was going to be okay, and she knew the Pig's birthday was coming up.

I guess I am about to join the tribe of many of my friends - motherless children. I just can't stand it. My bother and his wife live near her and have been saints. The ICU staff is phenomenal. Her spirits are strong and she is completely with it. She is somewhat stable, but her body is worn out.