I remember when my father died five years ago, it was as if I had to relive each memory from the earliest days of my life, to the present. It is like that now - each time I see a photo of her, I have to analyze what year it was and how old she was in the photo, and how hold I was. Perhaps it is the conscious' way of grasping the life that was - and how my life now is changed. It's like losing all the trees in a big storm, one must have to reconnect with the same land over again, piecing back normalcy by piecing together memories with inner dialogue,
"Oh, that tree that went down there and that is where the old barn used to be, now I remember."
...and so forth, step by step.